By Carol Look, EFT Master
I recently worked with a young man, "Alan" who felt
very depressed as a result of a recent break-up with a
woman to whom he was engaged to be married. Alan initially
contacted me to rid himself of acute insomnia. Later, he
revealed that he thought his sleeping problems might have
had something to do with his recent break-up. Aside from
the insomnia, Alan experienced himself as powerless over
watching television obsessively. He avoided going to bed
at night and listened relentlessly to music tapes that his
girlfriend had given him. His presenting emotions included
feelings of hurt, deep pain, rejection, self-pity,
loneliness, hopelessness, longing, and guilt.
We tapped together for all of the above mentioned
issues and feelings. I called them "fear of sleeping",
"fear of going of bed alone", "this loneliness", "deep
rejection and hurt", "sadness over her leaving me", etc.
We used additional setup phrases such as...
"Even though I can't stop thinking about her...""Even
though I can't stop listening to her music...""Even though
I feel deep grief over this loss..."
We tapped for many rounds during this one session,
trying to hit all of the angles (aspects) of the aftermath
of the break-up.
Three weeks later, Alan returned for a follow-up
session and described his progress as follows: First, Alan
said he felt so good he couldn't believe it. He described
his body as physically lighter and freer than he had ever
remembered. He said he had never believed in the phrase,
"people carry around past baggage" but, now he understood
exactly what the phrase meant and how it felt to be rid of
his baggage. He said, "I was able to walk down the
street with a smile on my face for no good reason."
Alan described how his insomnia had been completely
"cured" and how when he sleeps now, it seems much deeper
and he wakes up refreshed every morning, no matter what
time he gets out of bed. In addition, his friends gave him
feedback that was very telling. They said they couldn't
believe he was able to have a conversation about HER
without being upset. They remarked on how different he
seemed, which of course was deeply satisfying for him. He
also noticed he no longer "saw" his ex-girlfriend in every
crowd on the street whenever a woman resembling her would
walk by.
A surprise test came when a woman on the street walked
by wearing the same special perfume Alan had given his
girlfriend as a gift. He reported he was able to enjoy the
smell, ("after all, it's a nice cologne") rather than
"going crazy" with feelings of missing his girlfriend.
This truly shocked him. He was also able to hear "their
song" and not dissolve into an emotional mess.
Alan has stopped calling his ex-girlfriend, and feels
good about the two of them moving on with their lives. He
reported he was able to put the relationship into
perspective now, knowing he learned a lot from both his
girlfriend and the intensity of the relationship. (These
are cognitive shifts that were not available to him
before.) Alan decided not to throw out all of her gifts,
cards and photographs. Instead, he placed them farther
away from his sight. He used to have her picture in his
drawer at work where he could see it at any time he felt
obsessive about her and the pain of the loss.
Alan was deeply appreciative and felt calm about being
single now.
