By Carol Look, EFT Master
Thought for the day....
"Two men look out,
From behind prison bars.
One sees mud,
The other sees stars."
Doug Hooper
I started hearing about the phenomenon of 'Borrowing
Benefits' during the first EFT class I taught in New York.
Participants came up to me at the break and told me how
their issues were partially resolved or mysteriously
diluted as a result of tapping for the person involved in
the demonstration in front of the group. This has been my
experience in all subsequent classes. Group benefits never
cease to amaze me.
I conduct telephone sessions with clients all across
the country, and many people audiotape the sessions. I
usually assign between-session 'homework' of listening to
and tapping along with our taped session. No extra work,
no thinking or analyzing is required. What could be easier
than just mimicking words and the tapping directions from
our tape? (Over the phone, I instruct the person when to
move from spot to spot so this is clear on the tape).
Nearly 100% of the time, clients tell me they enjoy
this assignment. They land on new insights, and they feel
as if they have been given the advantage of another
session free of charge. Many clients report that new
aspects surface, deeper layers emerge and are then
cleared, and that listening to a tape of themselves allows
them a healthy emotional distance that feels empowering.
The clearest articulation of this benefit came from Kishan
Ballal, who gave me his full permission to quote him: 'It
occurred to me to hear it as if I was listening to a
complete stranger, who I have NO emotional
history/entanglements with that mental dissociation seems
to allow me to get out of the way and be lightly curious
rather than desperately trying'
Another kind of borrowing that I have found helpful
came out of my hypnosis training. Clients often ask what
they should do when in a public setting where using EFT
would seem socially awkward. I suggest that they use basic
visualization techniques by closing their eyes and acting
as if they are using EFT. I recommend that they BORROW me
during this exercise by pretending to 'see' me tapping
with them, 'hear' me making suggestions of what to say,
and to 'feel' me (or themselves) tapping their spots. Many
of them also 'borrow' me when they feel stuck and lack the
confidence to come up with the right set-up phrases in the
privacy of their living rooms. This works consistently
well. (As you can imagine, many clients love 'borrowing'
Gary in this same way and pretend he is the one making
suggestions and tapping for them. Imagine where we'd be if
we hadn't been borrowing from Gary all these years. :-)
Additional Angles on Borrowing:
1) Look into a mirror as you tap for your deepest
emotional conflicts. This works especially well for
chronic low self-esteem issues. Sometimes my clients who
are calling for a phone session from their office look at
their reflection in their computer screen to enhance the
emotional release during the session. In the same way that
affirmations will automatically bring up a 'tail-ender',
looking in the mirror when you say 'I deeply and
completely accept myself' will trigger discomfort that is
then exposed and addressed during the treatment.
2) Pull out old family photos and notice how you
look/feel in them. First, tap as a surrogate FOR the
younger you in the photo: 'Even though she looks sad, she
was a good daughter' and then directly, 'Even though I
felt angry during this family holiday, I deeply and
completely accept myself.' This technique accesses vivid
feelings and thus leads the way to profound healing and
emotional integration.
3) Finally, I ask clients who watch a great deal of
television or frequent movie theaters to tap for the
characters' distress; 'Even though she feels insecure
around that man', 'Even though she won't admit the failure
is her fault', 'Even though he's afraid to confront the
situation' The clients do not have to identify their own
issues first, just tap for the distress that their own
system can't help but tune into as a result of witnessing
someone else's discomfort on the big screen.
A final note about borrowing:
Many thanks to all of you from whom I have borrowed
strength, compassion and hope throughout these past few
years. Two weeks before Christmas, less than three years
after her initial diagnosis, my sister Charlotte died of
cancer. Without the potency of EFT or your support and
kind words, I am certain I would never have been able to
tolerate the months preceding or the weeks following my
sister's death. Nor would I have been able to gather and
maintain the energy to deliver a triumphant funeral eulogy
in front of 400 profoundly bereft friends and family. I
was asked, 'Where did you get the energy?', 'How did you
pull that off?', 'Were the words channeled from God and
your sister?' Needless to say, I had few answers. What I
do know is that I have never been alone, was not alone
when speaking in the church, and have not been alone in my
grief.
My sister's enduring courage and grace, palpable even
when she knew she was about to leave behind her husband,
two small children, our parents and three sisters, will
serve as a model from which I will borrow for the rest of
my life. Our lessons seemed different, however, we were
both deeply nourished from sharing this experience. I
borrowed from her impressively simple acceptance of death
while she borrowed from my love of life. And as I told the
funeral crowd, I would gladly go through this pain again
if it would give her the relief she earned and deserved
the night of her death.
Many of you have no idea how generous you have been.
Often, without your knowledge, and frequently with your
permission, I have borrowed heavily from your wisdom and
your courage to share and grow. Your strength, your
stories, your perseverance and your willingness to embrace
vulnerability through risk and self-revelation have all
been of deep value to me as a reader and contributor to
this email list.
With my profound gratitude,
Carol Look
