My client “Joan” was suffering from having
“conversations in her head” with her former boss. She
was tired of feeling afraid of running into him in the
future and wanted to clear her feelings with the
tapping exercises. While Joan’s situation might seem
mild to some readers (at least compared to some of the
abuse cases we read about), I offer this case as yet
another illustration of how EFT can neutralize
feelings that dominate our time and siphon off our
energy.
Joan described the behavior of her ex-boss as
“rude, sexist and demeaning.” When I asked for
examples of how he would talk to her, she said he
“announced” he was a “male chauvinist” and behaved as
if he didn’t respect women. She particularly resented
his frequent comments about her appearance, clothing,
or ways of speaking. She had often felt oppressed and
powerless in his presence, and impatient with herself
for not standing up to him.
When Joan “tuned in” to memories of what her boss
had said to her while they were out on sales calls,
she winced, and rated them at about an “8” on an
intensity scale of 0-10. She had often felt
humiliated, put down, or degraded by his attitudes and
words.
We tapped for at least three of his “comments” that
had stung her in the past and were still causing her
anguish now. We tapped for “even though I felt
humiliated when he said…” and “even though he
embarrassed me…” and a few other rounds using the
exact wording he had used. We also tapped for “feeling
powerless.”
She felt relieved of the stinging after these few
rounds and found herself feeling neutral about his
comments. There was no intensity left when she “tuned”
back in to the same comments or situations. (Please
note that we did not need to tune in to any other past
incidents in her life when she had felt humiliated to
clear up this current issue. It’s possible that other
incidents may have surfaced and been neutralized
during the tapping without our awareness.)
When I asked Joan about the anticipation of meeting
her former boss in the future, she reported fearing
becoming enraged. She had fantasies of yelling at him
in public in an effort to finally defend herself. She
had not felt free, safe or mentally prepared enough to
“defend” herself at the moment of the
comments/behavior she experienced during her work day.
Her intensity was quite high, so we tapped for
“feeling angry” at him, “feeling resentful” and
“feeling afraid of a confrontation.” We also tapped
for “forgiving herself” for not being more
self-protective and “forgiving him for doing the best
he could.” She felt relieved of anxious anticipation
and almost bored by the subject after the tapping. She
felt confident about meeting him again in the future
and being civil to him in public.
Three weeks later, I asked Joan how she was feeling
about her former boss. She said, “Oh, I really
haven’t been thinking about him anymore.” (A
classic response after tapping has reduced the
intensity of someone’s feelings about an upsetting
situation.) When I asked about seeing him in the
future at a business function she said, “Now I can
see myself being neutral with him, and acting in an
appropriate business-like fashion.” She no longer
felt the need to “put him in his place” or “tell him
off” for things he said to her.
Joan was quite troubled by these past incidents,
and fearful of the future in ways that were inhibiting
her daily life. She was entertaining useless
conversations in her head and wasting time and energy
on negativity, fear and anxiety. She now has more time
and energy to focus on other issues and feels free of
the anxiety and fear connected to this situation.
Happy New Year,
Carol Look
